Cousins

I've always been really envious of people who have great relationships with their cousins. In fact, I'm so removed from my extended family (both on my mom's and dad's side of the family) that I don't even really feel like I know any of my cousins all that well. The closest I can come to having a cousin-like relationship is with my oldest friend Patsy. We met in first grade, lived seven houses apart from each other growing up, and were best friends forever. Our moms still know each other, since they still live seven houses apart, while Patsy and I live 3 states apart.

Here's the run-down on some of my actual cousins:

Araceli, Linda, Carlos.

My mom's sister's kids. I used to really love Carlos. He's about 13 years older than me, and by the time I was old enough to get to know him, he moved to Puerto Rico. Araceli and Linda stayed behind with their mom, my Tia Maria, but they never took me seriously. I was too young to relate to them, and far too awkward to be interesting. Every question they asked me was just another way to make fun of me.

"Do you like any boys at school, Vero?"
"No."
"Why not, are you scared they'll hit your big glasses when you kiss?"

Even once I grew out of my awkwardness, they still found a way to make me feel boring. My sister, on the other hand, was worth befriending. She didn't care what they thought, which made them chase after her, and she was pretty to boot and had a boyfriend who worshiped her. That's all they ever wanted: a man who would treat them as though they were worthy of love. Ironically, every time a man showed interest in them, they treated him like shit.

Brenda, Sergio.

I always considered these cousins to be part of my dad's side of the family, but they were actually on both sides. See, they were the offspring of a marriage between my dad's sister and my mom's brother. It's funny, because Mexicans use both their parents' last names. Mine was Veronica Acosta Rojo (my dad's last name is Acosta, my mom's maiden name was Rojo). So these particular cousins' names were Brenda Rojo Acosta and Sergio Rojo Acosta. It is definitely an interesting connection that I have with them, since we shared the same grandparents. We all looked very much alike.

But when my parents split up 20 years ago, all interaction with my dad's side of the family ended for me and my siblings. That included Brenda and Sergio. We've probably seen them 4 or 5 times since my parents' separation, and two of those times included grandparent funerals. They are the ones I most feel like I've missed out on a great relationship with. They, unlike most of my extended family, seemed sincere and trustworthy.

Izkra, Christian, Alan.

Offspring of my dad's sisters, Velia and Estella. In the last few years, I've be-friended Izkra again, and have found her to be a beautiful young lady. She made a huge effort to see us in Sacramento when she visited family in Stockton a few years ago. She emails, MySpaces, and is uniquely interested in me and my siblings.

The truth is, I have a ton of other cousins on my mom's side, but I have no idea who they are. I vaguely remember names of children who were sprung from my mom's very distant siblings.

Sometimes, when talking to my dad, I hear him talk about my cousins - and it absolutely breaks my heart. Not just because I don't know them and probably never really will, but because he knows them far better than he knows me.